MADISON – The oratory at Holy Name Heights in Madison was home to a packed crowd on the evening of October 15 for the St. Thérèse Lecture. Many faithful of the Diocese of Madison, primarily couples, came to hear the wisdom of Dr. Edward Sri on the messiness and beauty of married life.

The evening began with Evening Prayer led by Bishop Donald J. Hying of Madison. The memorial celebrated on October 15 is St. Theresa of Avila, a Carmelite Doctor of the Church. The bishop commented that the event was under the patronage of both ‘little Thérèse’ (of Lisieux) and ‘big Therese’ (of Avila). With so much prayer support, there was great joyfulness as the bishop introduced and welcomed Sri.

Sri is the co-founder of FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students), as well as a professor, theologian, and speaker. He is also married with eight children, and one grandchild.

Practical love

One of the primary emphases of Sri’s lecture was the practicality and messiness of married love. “Real marriage is hard,” Sri acknowledged. “When we think about what marriage ultimately is, it’s an invitation to participate in the love of God, and that love of God is most fully revealed . . . on the Cross.”

Moreover, Sri pointed out that the transition from the “honeymoon phase” to later stages of married life is not only natural, it’s important. God wishes to use marriage to heal our wounds, and teach us to love and trust in a deeper way than we ever have before. God invites us to allow Him to work precisely in the difficult places of marriage – the dull everyday decisions, the awkward silences, the painful arguments. Sri pointed out, as other married couples have told him, “I never realized how selfish I was until I got married.” Marriage exposes our weaknesses and our inadequacies, and that can be a painful and difficult process. But God does not do this for no reason; instead, He desires to work within our difficulties, and show Himself precisely in our weaknesses.

Sri drew an analogy to the Wedding of Cana (John 2:1-12). Although the wine the couple initially had was good, the new wine Christ provided was even better. Likewise, the initial love of a newly married couple is a good and beautiful thing. But God desires to lead them to an even richer and deeper love, provided by Himself.

Relying on grace

Sri also offered a few words on parenting, and emphasized that there are two factors kids need. On one hand, they need to be held to high standards; they need the discipline of knowing what’s expected. On the other hand, they need the surety of a relationship – they need to know that even when they fall short of those standards, Mom will be there, Dad will still take care of them.

This balance is a reflection of our own spiritual lives. We need to strive for virtue, but if we do not know how we are loved by God, if we do not have certainty of that relationship, then we will be tempted either to despair, thinking we’ll never make it, or to pride, thinking that we have earned our salvation ourselves. Ultimately, while our efforts toward virtue are deeply valued by God and do make a difference, it is His love that carries us.

Sri’s words were warmly received by the large crowd, some of whom stopped at the reception afterward to greet him or purchase his books. This talk was largely based on his latest release, The Good, the Messy, and the Beautiful: The Joys and Struggles of Real Married Life, a book co-authored by his wife, Beth Sri. He also offered his book The Art of Living: The Cardinal Virtues and the Freedom to Love, a work that elaborates on his words that evening about emotions and how God works through virtue to give us the freedom to love.

The Diocese of Madison St. Thérèse Lecture Series was founded in the jubilee year 2000, by Bishop William H. Bullock, making this the 25-year anniversary of the series. The St. Thérèse Lecture Series has brought national Catholic speakers to the Diocese to address current topics, expound on the Catholic Faith, and offer inspiration to the faithful.